No amount of what you do, what you call passion, what you want to revive, what gives you satisfaction, what makes you believe that change could happen good, can affect your personality that you have to make yourself believe you are calm, soothing and fun loving person. So much of goes with you yet you stay quiet the whole day and the moment night came all your silence, all your voices began to flow in a teary aspect, not because what you thought did not happen but because what you did not thought is happening in a way much worse that you keep on making yourself realize you are alright with it.
And that is where everything is not alright. Everything is not correct. Everything is not so sure that you start to make yourself believe you are making a change, that you are the change. The void inside you silently increasing that you forget you are a human and you get hurt but the fact is there is no one you can speak of that you are stuck in a loop from somewhere coming out is nearly impossible.
You are not the same person you were a year before. You are not the same person you were a month before but there were situations like that the same rather it was a year before or a month before which shows that sudden breaking of your heart that you always turn into words is now fading, they are still into words but it would not lasting an impact because to the one you wanted them to read, not only they did not care, they did not give a freak about it.
Solely your only purpose of the life shattered into nothing. But one day the old friend reads something and they relate to that what you wrote recently and slowly you start to see where it all went wrong and you realize neither people nor the scenarios became wrong, what wrong is how we are implementing it. And not only implementing it but only showcasing was all wrong. Does that make you feel so bad you actually had a huge disappointment on yourself that everything you wrote turned into a huge disappointment?
Well, it should not be! The day you started feeling like this is the day you have to stop showing your art. But here is the problem you cannot stop letting you stop showing the art because to showcasing that art or to be flowing that art you are becoming that art, your personality is becoming that only. Something expressive that your face depicts that silence you want to make others see and hear.
But the thing is does the art always wanted to represent you or you want you to make others heard your silence. And here is the other thing does it require to fulfill financial needs as well?
Coming to the first thing. Yes, the art always wanted to represented us! In order what we see, what we observe, what we do, what we do not, where we are struggling, where we are suffering or whom we are supporting, whom we are being supported from, what are the conversations we do from people, their moods everything. It shows how sometimes beautiful and brutal the art makes us understand how we are and how do we are becoming, the whole process actually.
Second thing come, also yes sometimes we want what we show through art is like what we cannot express in our daily life we want them to show our emotions. Some people are inexpressive and sometimes they grasp many things inside them and just they want to be heard but no one is around them and it kills them, what they have done, what they should have done, what they should have not done, and what are they actually doing. These questions kill us when there is no one out there to listen and when we realize there is actually no one and the sin which you should not have done is done now and there is no going back, you are doomed for real.
The connections you made, did not go as what you thought. The reactions sometimes did not go as what you planned. Like one day you bought a bike, for whom you thought would have a great reaction they did not reacted a smile on you purchased bike. And the one you thought they will give only a smile they hugged you for purchasing that bike. And that day, you realize every reaction is important. No matter you are emotional, no matter you are psyched, no matter you are depressed, no matter you are being angry you cannot deny or avoid that action which give somebody a smile on their face.
This usually happens when you are depressed and could not see others are suffering as well on the same note, not because you did not want to but also because you are highly manipulated and did not know what is wrong or what is right, sometimes your actions at that time did not justify anything, and you think if you overpowered their depression as well you will automatically turn into a bad guy. And you think that for years only because what you thought for the first time you ignored that for the rest of the time until you faced the same thing, being ignored when you would not be.
And you think these emotions that straight away came from the art, needs to fulfill the financial needs which eventually turn into the business. I guess you may already know the answer. Still I will say, the answer is no. You did not want them to turn into the business as if they turned into financial needs that touch, those emotions, those genuine feelings will be sold to none and dead and which you want them to stay alive all your life. That is why sometimes you do not click pictures with anyone when you roam around especially when you are with your childhood friends.
You want to stay alive, you want make art alive, you want to make emotions alive, you want to make feelings alive, you want to make literature alive, but you itself did not feel alive that much. Because you have no one, you have you and you have your art, describe, observe, read, review and relate to every stranger, every person and think and differentiate what is more worth it to do?