I always talk about the curse, I always talk about the void even though I have written a whole two hundred pages of book in the name of void yet something feels incomplete, yet something is dragging backwards, yet something is not right, yet something is misleading, yet something is going pathetic, yet we know everything but could not talk about it to the person we want, to the emotions we want to figure out, to the vulnerability that triggers so damn much we forgot we are humans too.
Figuring out while having a void is a dangerous thing to cover up yourself with. You, yes you are a being who have an indefinite past which forces you not to go in the act of purpose of doing the same thing as like what you did before. But the fact is you want to do the same thing as you did before but you do not want to make it happen as what it was like before. Traumatic, broken, more loneliness, more pathetic, more incompleteness, and did not get the closure you always wanted.
Sometimes you want to be move on from everything and sometimes your life revolves around all of this. What we call this type of life then? A bad omen? Because we always pinpoint ourselves to being the herald of the type of such situations. Are they control us or are we able to control them, as such who are we, a baggage of emotions taking the void with ourselves everywhere we go and each time we go we rant about it to the other people until they frustrate or start to stop giving advices.
Yet in the end it is you and always you to figure out, but why? It has to be in the end. It should be in the new biggening it always you to emotion out such situations with the people like you or with the understandings like you!
Again, there is a difference here with the people like who are like us or crave the understanding like us. You compare people with their coffee taste some like cappuccino or some like americano or some like latte or some like frappe or maybe Biscoff (it is the new entry) and even now matcha also (it is not the coffee but it is the new trend too) or you like somebody with your same music taste mostly classic, ghazals or even indie and singers like papon, k.k., and Pritam also Arijit singh but you like Ed Sheeran, one direction and if old bands we talk about the beetles, Michael Jackson the og king of pop. And somebody even like walking with you or maybe a long drive in a car or bike.
The point is one can be totally like you or can be different from you too. But one cannot make them or state them abnormal when they already are normal. It is just the connection we make, it is just the bit of sigh with them we can say feel like where you do not see any burden. And if something is making you go backwards you better know they want you to be forward they want to hold your hand and feel like a bit confident. And same goes vice versa in terms of you want to go forward if you feel like going backwards but you are taking a big risk and wandering if this works.
You took ot two years, three years, and until it is been seven years and now you cry while thinking of losing them, how you suppose to not hold their hands especially then when you are having an anxiety. Probably all the time! It is also not about holding hands, sometimes it is also sometimes a metaphor how badly you want to be that person after you know you go the meaning of years of what you were chasing. Or maybe it is a metaphor of your comfort person where you feel like attached, loved, like talking and more like to assert an ownership in that person not in the meaning of partner but more like a partner.
As if they are your people and no one can take them from you. And neither nobody can think of making them their. A complicated situationship where you hold the person’s ability of thinking, doing, more like handling their life but they are not your person but you want to be but you are not but it is dying inside you to be their partner. You are somebody who knows what you are, who you are, but do not know why you are. What is the purpose of yours to make things alright in the life with the people you are attached to but deep down you need to cross the path with them their whole life.
You feel like a baggage but you are some vulnerable person who become fool emotionally everytime unexpectedly. uninvited and unintentionally! But you hold a special place in that person’s heart whom you adore so much, whom you are attached too much, whom you love so much and whom you cry to lose so much. But I guess why being crying if you know they are yours or you have a doubt but you know they will be yours as they have accepted you and your feelings as well.
Still there is always a remark inside you, inside them or in the emotions and feelings. Maybe the fear of losing is something how you much care about them, how you make them know, you are the one for them and it is not pretending, maybe it is the destiny and which is playing an important role.
My favorite character is Ted Mosby, from the series How I met your mother. And he is a damn destiny believer. He meets a girl, he makes a chemistry with her and then somehow loses too but that connection he built with the girl he knew that was genuine and one day he will get all his vulnerability back with that one person he finds a connection with. And no matter his friends plays an important role in it he is always alone in finding that person. As I say, you are on your own! Am in the only one, who’s number one sitcom is How I met your mother rather than keeping Friends at number two. Will the society accept me?
Anyway, this is not the question but the main question is will that person end your void? No, according to me nobody can end your void only except you, the other person is just getting along with you to not end but understand what is your void and what is the purpose of the void in your story and your life.
Life is like a novel, life is like a movie, life is like a game of multiple sports and games but in the end, life is just a story where it revolves around a void which has a purpose. And which has to be resolved with that only one person you find a connection that you believe it is a rare one. A purpose, a belief is necessary to live? Or to make assurance there always another act coming with the new challenges.
Maybe the purpose of the void is in front of the eyes and we are not recognizing it. Or we want to recognize it but we are not doing it because while chasing through our entire life we are not tired, we are not frustrated but we are used to it and thinks of chasing more until the end but we know there is no end until the last breath of ours.
Maybe the purpose of the void is not finding nor chasing but to enjoy the taste of life that you believe enjoy like a life and nothing else. It is not a novel, it is not a movie, and it is not like any other sports or games, maybe it is just like any other scene where everything is having unexpected and we are living and enjoying the moments while believing in the destiny.