Not once but a lot of heartbreak needs you to get mature enough to know if there is something which is beautiful and also does not make sense and that is only one thing, love. But sometimes what left behind always come behind and that is the scariest feeling in the world. The past mistakes done by you if not understood by you on time it turns into a curse which makes you never get anything good in the future.
Maybe that is not the curse, that is the punishment of ours which is telling to us to willingly wait more than you have thought. But when you are itself defining the destiny, you allow people or need to write it with you as well. Maybe what you thought turned out to be more beautiful. But the past mistakes gave you so much of fear that you forget there are good things also happen which work out as well.
Maybe you already know it but those relations are like sand, no matter how much you hold it, it slips away from your hand. It is hard to let go and it is harder to keep it but it is hardest to think the future from it. One cannot feel if it forced, it is true but one can be defined as of a true nature when they need only a single chance to make everything alright.
It isn’t the fight to be happy always, sometimes it is the conversations of being sorted and chaos. What you have seen is chaos all your life and now you wanted to be sorted but how will you get it, how will you find it and in order to that you find a home, how will you manage to keep that all your life with you? What is that one magic that one magician, perform? what is that trick to be feel loved?
I never knew it until I desired to be a magician itself to perform tricks and I do succeed in it but sometimes the trick fails on self. Does that make me less of a magician or a failed trickster. I guess one was never a magician and if one was, the only hard core trick is and always will be conversations that you always thought to have with that special one, at some moment you have and at some moment you cannot but the time you have you always failed to tell some part of that and then you wait for some other moment you know will come but how it will come you did not know that.
But you want to know that. Because that is not the simple journey, and it is obvious it will have hurdles but that will always be a beautiful one if you have that person to talk to. You will tell them how you changed yourself from the person you were to the person you hate which you eventually became and now you love that feeling how a person you are. And you may have a deep conversation with anyone but it will only will make sense if there will be the person who tries to understand it.
The journey of what you became you never thought and what you hated from the person you always were thought you will never change. It is the autonomous change, which you do not know will change but it wonderfully changed and how it changed you is making your void filled with something you always wanted, is that home you were finding? Or a person you need is followed up by destiny to make you feel these things.
For what again ending up alone? Or to build a home?
Maybe the reason is to build a home as the person you love is the only home for you and the one you build by bricks is the secondary. But still the main question is how do you move ahead from the mistakes you did? Is that person really required to end up those guilts inside you or the person you are with now, their love is a whole conceptualized transferrable aura that end every bad thing or bad emotions from your life.
You never felt that way, you never got up to that next level that way in life and even if you slightly had a glimpse of it, you may think only of that as a lesson and a good chapter of your life that made you more of a coming of age mature person for your partner to never repeat that and if by mistakenly happen that, you always have a understanding vibe to stick there and resolve that.
Who you are and what you are in those situations is all the real you, that is your real character. It may sound cheezy, it may sound filmy and also a lot like novels. But, so far, I have learnt it is the only truth of life. Either you lose that person or win that person proudly to say each one of around you, you are finally happy for lifetime and will keep it around your entire life.
It is the only journey you want to travel your whole life without getting tired. And the only journey you wish never end even when you get old. I am not a relationship counselor, not even a psychologist but just a observer around and finding answers to be relieved from the mistakes, from the guilt, from the sins, from the void. But there is not any escapism from these things like a coward does. Instead to be one of those things that give a complete closure can became your destiny not to be free from any of these things but to be fulfilled with these emotions.
Especially the void. Mistakes, guilts, sins these are what the creation of the void is! Until you learn to live with these things you are not what you thought but you are that what you never imagined, a pathetic being.
To learn to live with these things is not the answer but to learn how to resolve these things in life with the people you have in your life is all you need and not any type of apology to those people to whom you done wrong or they have done wrong. Although that was some kind of realization not some kind of but to be in your senses, in your consciousness all your whole life.
And also, sometimes what you have seen your whole life maybe it isn’t be like that with you and even If you wished to live mediocre you will make it beautiful still with the person you have. It is you have accepted what you had and then one unplanned thing happened and the vice versa planned thing happened to the unplanned one.